Romans 8:28 KJV 28 And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.
This has been my go to verse for many months now...months of waiting, months of praying, months of doubt, and discouragement. Ultimately knowing deep down in my heart that God was preparing a position for me in which to place me in order to fulfill my calling as a nurse.
I have always felt as if I was a helper, and at times this "personality" has gotten me into situations that without the Lord's help I wouldn't have gotten out of. As a young girl in Sunday school, one Sunday a month the youth would go to the nursing homes in the county and visit with the elderly. Seeing these people in the nursing homes instilled in me a passion to help others. Even then, I knew that one day I would be working with people, helping them, caring for them, showing them compassion. In high school I began to take allied health in which I obtained my CNA license. I had a full scholarship and the referrals to go to nursing school as soon as I graduated. However, then I wasn't living the way God intended me to and I certainly wasn't listening to his calling and I gave up that chance and ran. I ran towards a man who promised me the world with no intention of filling his promises. I chose a bad road, a very bad road in which I was lied to, cheated on, and abused in every form and fashion, a very dangerous road. During this time I began to work as a nurses aide in a nursing home. I loved my job! Taking care of people, helping them do the daily tasks that i took for granted, helping them eat, and bathe, and dress. Each and every day someone touched me and witnessed to me. Many of my colleagues urged me to further my career and I continued to feel that "calling" from God. I regretted giving up my "full ride" to nursing school and doubted God's ability to help me through it on my own. Only by God's grace and his unending mercy did he deliver me from that abusive situation. Afterwards, despite the fact that God had delivered me, I was at a VERY low point in my life. I felt as if I would never amount to anything, that I wasn't good enough for anyone or anything and I despised myself for falling for a man's lies. Like I said before I was running from everything good for me and turning to the world to fulfill the void in my soul instead of running back to God. A few years passed and as I continued to care for people in the nursing homes, God once again reminded me I needed to further my career. It took a while for me to "catch up" as I continued to run, pretending I didn't hear God, trying to make myself "comfortable" with NOT furthering my career. It took me several years later, a divorce and more abuse to FINALLY begin pursuing a career as a registered nurse. I took classes, worked, tried to raise 3 kids, relied on my family more than I should have, and passed my first year of nursing school. I had began yet another relationship with a man who yet again promised me everything under the sun and I fell for it. The summer between my first and second year of nursing school I began to lose focus, I began to "backslide" from God yet again, and I failed. Miserably. I felt like the whole world had just collapsed on me. Yet again, I lost sight of God, the most important thing in my life. This point in my life had became like many other times that I felt lost and hopeless. When I got things back on track with God and began diligently seeking his purpose, he gave me a vision. Some people believe in visions, some don't. All I know is that every time I would pray about God's purpose, I would see the same image....me..standing among other nurses in a medication room, holding hands in a circle and praying. From that moment on, I began to believe that God had indeed "called" me to be a nurse and was going to help me finish that last year of school. I had to take a year off, re-apply, and take some classes in the mean time but I knew without a doubt that God would help me get back in and finish. So you can imagine my thankfulness when in May 2013 I DID finish nursing school, took my national boards and became a Registered Nurse. I began to pray for God to place me where he needed/wanted me. Over the last 5-6 months I applied to numerous positions, got discouraged when I was never hired, starting to lose hope and I would see this "vision" again. A previous blog I wrote talks about God teaching me to trust him. This one talks about God being ever so patient with me, and God teaching me a lesson in patience. In September, I finally got a call for an interview. I thought the job hours, pay, and schedule would fit me and my children perfectly. I went for the interview and waited, and waited, and waited to hear something. I thought "ok, God, I'm being patient, but why haven't I heard anything?" And then I began to feel uneasy about the position, and began to ask God once again just to place me where he wanted me, not where I thought I should be, but where HE wanted me to be. Three weeks later I got the letter. I had not been accepted to fill the position. I was discouraged because I had never been "rejected" before and I felt sorry for myself. However, after praying about it, I felt peace. God knew I wouldn't be happy in that position, this position didn't even have a "medication room". lol. I also had peace because I knew that God had called me to be a direct help to people, to touch them, to be in direct contact with them and the position required more paperwork than actual patient care. I had Peace in knowing that God had called me for "his purpose" and that good things would come. I started proclaiming that I KNEW God was working out something in HIS time. Well let me just tell you how my God works. On a Saturday, I took a very sick child to a clinic. I had thrown on some clothes and just happened to be wearing a community college nursing school shirt. The nurse began to ask me questions about my career, where I was working, what my interests were, etc.She initiated the conversations, I didn't have to. God was opening a door for me. Before leaving, I felt the urge to ask the receptionist if they were hiring RNs. She said she thought they were and to call Human resources first thing Monday morning concerning the position. So I did. The HR manager told me that she thought the position at the clinic had been filled but that she had ALREADY given my application to the nursing manager for another department. I got a call from the nurse manager later that day and was asked to come in for an interview. I was very nervous yet I had peace about it. This blog kept coming to mind as well as the scripture above and I said "Lord, if you give me this position, I will give you all honor, glory, and praise. If this is where you want me Lord, I will go, just help me to understand where you want me and help me to care for others as you care for me". Would you believe that God just opened that door right up, held my hand and led me? I was the only one interviewed for the position, and I was offered the job before I even left the interview. You see, the reason the position was open in the first place is because they had a resignation. Wanna guess who from? The nurse who had resigned, had also applied for the position in which I was not accepted for a few weeks ago. Isn't it amazing how God works? I start my first job as an registered Nurse on November 11, 2013 on a medical/surgical unit in a hospital giving direct care to patients and I hope and pray that I can fulfill God's calling on my life as a care giver. I pray that I can be a daily witness to my patients, their families, and my co-workers. And one day soon, I believe whole heartedly that I WILL hold hands with other nurses, in a circle, in a medication room. Patience is not the only lesson that God has taught me during this time, he is also teaching me how to fully trust him!
